


The Mess We Have

by PineScent



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Fluff, Character Death, Character Study, Grief/Mourning, How Do I Tag, I would not kill lily or james, Implied/Refrenced Sucide Attemp, MWPP, Maybe - Freeform, My First Fanfic, Or At Least I Tried, Peter is like..a person, Please Don't Hate Me, Sirius is mentally ill, That was a spoiler, and such, but we already know that, wasn't it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-10-23 12:34:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17683538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PineScent/pseuds/PineScent
Summary: "What if.." is a question that would haunt those who lived to tell the tale for the rest of their lives... Some of them prefered the answer and others dreaded it...When loving was a decision and not an easy one... war was war..A glimpse into a year in the life of the marauders through the lens of one of the many what-ifs of 1981.





	1. Prologue: James.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan fic. Just an attempt to get to know my favorite characters a little better. So I would love to hear your criticism. English is not my first language so.. sorry about that too.

Harry Potter, the playful toddler hidden in the Potter Manor in Godric’s Hollow was asleep. For the first time since his birth fourteen months ago, he had decided to sleep in one autumn morning of 1981’s. For the first time since his birth, his parents, James and Lily Potter had a peaceful coffee-scented sit down. A faithful gesture to their time before Harry was born when they liked to play rebels and thought drinking coffee instead of tea was an act of riot, or at least individuality. Before Harry was born as in before their involvement in the flaming, messy, bleeding, green-lighted war became a necessity, not just an act of rebellion done by the two Gryffindors. Before Harry’s birth as in before the destruction of what once seems invincible.  
“Are we going to have a Halloween Party this year?” Asked the red-haired beauty as she took her place on the cushion next to the window seat. The answer was on the tip of his tongue. It is a given that James would love to dress up and get drunk with their friends the way he had not done in what now feels like forever. It is a given, too, that of course he would not invite them to his house this year, not when they all know one of them is traitor. Not when he knew who that traitor was, but he was planning to keep that last part to himself since the last time he brought it up resulted in a week long fight with his wife. Their relationship was already strained as is, with a wizard personally wanting them dead and similar.  
On one hand, James was sure of his accusation, he was not sure why he was so sure but he was. What he did not know too was how, how his best friend, the one he had risked his education, freedom, and life for once a month since he was almost sixteen could repay him in such manner. He had put up Peter trying to scare them off it for the better part of two years, was well aware of all he had risked with becoming Animagus, and following a werewolf into the forbidden forest every full moon, yet he had done it, faithfully and without hesitation.  
On the other hand, he was not. He knew many things could have clouded his judgment of his best friend’s loyalty. Remus had always been as faithful of a friend as one could get. Nevertheless, if that was true then why had Padfoot, his own brother, been so sure? He wanted nothing but to keep them safe and James trusted him with his life. James remembered Mad-Eye’s “Constant Vigilance ”s and Peter’s “Trust is a luxury we cannot afford right now, Prongs” which kept him up all night holding is wand from under his pillow. Said judgment, however, might have been also clouded by another factor, one that James would never… ever… not be ashamed of.  
“You think now is a good time… love?”  
“Why not? We haven’t done anything remotely cheerful since last year’s Christmas, we had been in hiding then, too. That had not stopped us and however, there are ward all over the place!”  
His wife’s pleading eyes looked up to him from the coffee mug, Forest green and as endless as ever. He had not been able to resist those since his eyes first locked with them late in second year when Remus had introduced his new “friend” to the Marauders and she disliked them at first sight. Keeping a position somehow angled behind Remus’s shoulder, she did not meet his gaze again.  
Why did his thoughts keep coming back to Remus this morning? Maybe because the weather smelled of falling leaves and fireplace, distinctively Remus-like, but also smelled of coffee and promising rain, distinctively Lily-like. Those two had been a pair since second year, closer than siblings. That was until seventh year of course, due to a “change” in arrangements. Which had probably broke her heart, but she hid it well anyway. He was ashamed to think of that, the same way he had been ashamed to ask her out right in front of Remus about a million times in high school, he did anyway.  
“Well, last year’s Christmas was not very cheerful if you can recall. Anyway, I am not scared, you know I am not; it has nothing to do with it. I can protect you.”  
She had never tolerated his arrogance; it was the only mask that worked in the presence of her piercing gaze. McGonagall-worthy during the Million and Seventy-Five times he invited her to coffee before that Hogsmade weekend when Pads and Remus needed time on their own and Peter strategically hid in the library. Dumbeldore-ish when she found him crying after the prophecy was out and he discovered what being scared felt like for the first time ever. Uniquely hers while her breathed the three words he had known to be true since he was thirteen above a blue velvet box with a lock of gold and a pearl in it.  
“I love you” And he proposed.  
He loved her, more than the air in his lungs and much more than he was ever willing to risk. He had never been able to say no to her before, but he will now. She was much more precious than to allow that traitor she called a friend to lay a hand on.  
“I am not afraid of the boys, James! We needs this, you can see it on our faces Jamie, even Harry had not laughed in weeks.” Her voice softened with every word she spoke.  
Harry. His fear for Harry was another matter entirely. Paralyzing and completely inescapable. That Bastard can simply steal him from his crib. His body shivered as he imagined green eyes meeting red. Then his son would never get to learn Quidditch, or buy an owl, or try muggle clothes or ride Pad’s motorbike or do any of the things James had promised him he would do after they get out of hiding, over and over and over again every night as he tucked him in and kissed his forehead. He would never get to know the brilliant mother he had or hear about the Marauders fourth year Mega-Prank or fall in love or get detention or kiss under a milestone and lose every bit of oxygen in his body.  
James looked at the demanding, enchanting eyes in front of him.  
“But love…”  
Then he saw something, something that felt as it belonged to another universe. Those green eyes, a boy with those green eyes and the mess of a hair and a mouth that looked somewhat familiar mumbling. He could not recognize the words, but it sounded like a…wish.  
He figured he could never say no to those green eyes.  
He pulled off his best mischievous grin.  
“How are we going to get Firewhiskey?”


	2. Some Halloween: Lily

_“LILY, TAKE HARRY AND GO!!!”_

The Marauders’ 1981 annual Halloween party had been by far the worst to date. Even worse than fifth year, when Lily ended up leaving a scar on James’ shoulder over some wrong inaction of a tickling spell and the little Butterbeer she had allowed herself to have. She thought outdoing that nightmare was impossible, and yet…

 

Everyone had been tense. Remus and Sirius had broken up _Again_ , and Peter had preferred hanging around his sick mother to dealing with this mess _Again_ , and her husband had been paranoid and hexing everyone made as much of a sound as a hiccup, well, not Again but it was expected somehow and right now… she was glad for it. Because, just as the “party” had started to look somewhat hopeful, after tucking her son in bed and succeeding to small talk Sirius for five whole minutes, she jumped off of her husband’s lap over the sound of the door being knocked over.

 

“It’s him” whispered Remus.

 

“Lily, take Harry and go!!!”. James shoved her off him and towards the staircase.

 

 _Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry_ … somehow she avoided the three-to-one duel that had just started in her living room and climbed the stairs.

  _Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry_ Where the hell was her wand!!! She grabbed her son and her mind went momentarily blank. Her wand was on the counter downstairs, where her James was, duelling with VOLDEMORT!!! What was she doing upstairs??

 

 _Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry_ … they’re off the Floo, she does not have her wand, she is in the second floor. _Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.._

“Mama” Harry shifted and opened his eyes.

“Shh love, Mama’s here” Lily was not looking at him.. instead her eyes wandered around the room.

 

_The closet._

Hurriedly she opened the door and put Harry in as gently as her nerves allowed her. She locked the door. She prayed her son would stop crying as she took the stairs again. The living room was all red and green.

_Stay hidden, Don’t get noticed. Stay hidden, Fuck Fuck Fuck._

She ascended the last few steps and looked from behind the door. She could see Remus and Sirius throwing flames all over. They were barely hanging on, trying desperately not to stumble upon the figure behind their feet.

 

James…. _James James James James James_

Her body acted on its own… she entered the room and grabbed her wand, then turned around and casted.

 

“Avada Kedavra!”

 

And the whole room stilled for a second… green light emerged from her wand, she said she would never…. She just did… She could almost feel James’s adoring gaze under the starry night of June 78’. After their first Order meeting.

 

James found her on the balcony of their flat late that night.

 

“Mad-Eye?”, asked James carefully.

 

“You know, you cannot raise a child telling them that using Unforgivables will shatter your soul and then, two months after graduating, tell them it should become ok…”

 

She heard James’s heavy sigh, “Nothing can shatter you, love. We both know how strong you are.” He wrapped his arms around her, it was not about whether she’d break into pieces, he’d hold her together, or so he silently said.

 

“I don’t think I can ….kill. I mean if I did, what are we fighting for?”

 

“Each other, more than anything, and the lives of those who cannot protect themselves. Love, I don’t think you’ll have to use that one curse, you’re an excellent dueler.” He said determinately.

 

“Maybe, It’s just… I don’t **want**  to kill. I guess”

 

Kill she did, except she didn’t. The old red-eyed man had dodged her spell with the flick of a wand. He met her eyes and his pupils widened with realization…

 

_No No No No NONONONOO…._

She pushed forward and followed the disfigured cloud of darkness up the stairs again. With the duel now having ceased, she could hear Harry from under, from behind two locked doors.

 

Two doors. That was all that stood between the bad and good, the dark and light, an evil soulless wizard from her lovely, bright-eyed, giggling, chocolate-loving, James-like child. There was only so fast her leg could carry her and she felt a hand pushing her from behind.

 

 _Harry Harry_ _Harry_ _Harry GODDAMMIT!_

_The door was unlocked_

_The closet was empty_

_The house was silent_

 

_Harry_

________________________________________________________________

The rest of the night happened, somehow. It was as if her mind stopped comprehending the simplest concepts of time or space or anything else. Sirius’ place, Dumbledore’s office, some sort of a fight, a rat?... some rat, she’s sure she heard the word.

 

There was a shoulder behind her back or some other warm object.

 

Then Sirius said something about Prongs and the Hospital wing.

 

Prongs?

_James_. Her mind cleared like a rock thrown in fresh water. Down the halls Madam Pomfrey was fussing anxiously around the laid body of the handsome Quidditch player. James Can’t be dead, he can’t. That boy was life itself, always had been. Since the very start, she felt life radiating off of him. After the first welcoming feast. Everyone had been exhaustively trying to comprehend the love nest that was the Gryffindor common room while he, oh sweet Merlin, he was running around, congratulating people and giving hugs to anyone and anything as if it was some extra treat. He stood in front of her.

“Your hair suits the walls, red” He said, somewhat fondly.

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” 10 years later, she still does not know why she choose to act rude.

“I guess so” he replied, the 11-years old awkwardness he was.

“Thanks, then” She attempted a smile.

“Anytime, I guess” The boy looked like a mix of disappointment and awkwardness. He ruffled his messy hair a little more, shrugged then walked away without hugging her.

 

She decided she didn’t care, later that night. She did not recognize what was that energy that she felt lost the moment he turned on his heels.

She decided she did not care. She would learn with the years to some that one can decide whether to act as if something mattered or not. But one cannot decide whether they actually cared, it is a matter of a concept that becomes a part of you, like enjoying the scent of lemon or the colour of your eyes. Caring becomes a part of you and once it is, the rest of the parts tries to protect it, the same way they always protect their own. She would also learn that she actually cared a great deal about James Potter. The arrogant messy pack of addicting coffee beans. She would realize she’s actually in love with the mischievous boy who dances his way in and out of the Gryffindor tower. Later she would learn she cannot do without him reminding her of all the life there is to live.

 

He can’t be dead not. James Potter never breaks his promises.

 

“Maybe, It’s just… I don’t want  to kill. I guess” she whispered. ” Do you think.. you…”

“I think I can, for something worth saving”

“worth saving?”

“Beautiful” He locked her eyes to his, the soft smile he wore leaving tiny wrinkles on the side of his eyelids.

 “What if… What if we were the ones to be killed?”

“I always said I would not grow old, love” He chuckled softly “I don’t know why but I never thought I’d make it to 30. However, I’d rather die for something more worthy than Padfoot’s motorbike”

 _That idiot, was he trying to make her feel better?_ _Always too bloody honest._ She felt her guts turning upside down with every millisecond she left his words to sink in.

 

“You can’t leave me!!” She Practically shouted. Something flickered in his eyes, looked like hope for some reason. He straightened up.

“Not going anywhere, love. I promise”

_You promised. You promised. You promised._ She realized she had been crying when the arms around her waist tightened and she was being pulled into a woolly jumper.

 

“He’s going to be fine, sweetheart” said Madam Pomfrey, kindly. “We’ll let him put in a few days.”

 

“We can’t stay here for a few days, Poppy. Remember?” Said Remus from above her head. Which means it was Remus who was holding her this whole time. That is good. Remus always knew what to do.

“Very well, but at least he has to sleep here tonight”

_Sleep._

A magical black hole was a sleeping James. Always have been.

He was just asleep, the love of her life, peaceful yet haunting.

Just asleep.

And so was she.

 


	3. Hell: Sirius

Sirius Black was seeing RED.

Red was in fact his favorite color, but this is not what this is about. He’d just left his brother in the safe hands Madame Pomfrey and managed to storm into the headmaster’s office no more than a minute later. Filled with blind rage and shaking from his head to toe. A part of him knew his anger-management problems paid him the most ill-timed visits to offer the most ill-logical advice. That part was too reasonable to make any sound louder than a whisper that could not possibly be heard in the screaming match that is his head right now.

“I am going to kill that loathsome rat, that traitor” he shouted. “I need to floo to his place right away”

“Easy, young boy, you might actually want to explain yourself before starting to call other people traitors.” Answered Dumbledore, the embodiment of a wise turtle if said turtle was an evil mastermind.

“Peter Pettigrew just sold us all to Voldemort for Godric’s sake, I am going to make him wish he was never born!! That filthy-“

“Oh but Mr. Black, as far as I am informed you were they only person who was able to pass the location of the Potter estate, as you happened to be the secret keeper” Sirius’s only respond to this nonsense the ancient man was saying was that he must be out of his mind, then her remembered…..  
“We switched me and Peter. That Rat was the Secret keeper. James insisted it after I refused to go into a safe house myself and decided to keep fighting in the field. That Batsard must have-“

“Do calm yourself, Mr. Black. If what you just said is correct then a major mistake have been made. It would be unwise to make another one” Dumbledore stated, sceptically yet keeping so damn calm. Sirius black has finally found the limit of how irritated he could be with the Headmaster’s attitude of semi-indifference.

“You switched?” The voice that came from behind him was all too familiar, and when he turned to see where it came from….

Sirius Black was seeing Gold.  
Those pair of jewels never failed to make his breath stuck in his throat. Not after ten years, not after years of intimacy and not after months of distance, hate and mistrust. Distance is what snapped him back to reality. He could read his Moony like a book, he could see the softening in the arch of his eyebrow, the growing distancing between his eyelids and the shallow shallow breath on these lips that he once considered holy. He could feel the buzzing in Remus’s mind as his index finger push a little tightly on Lily’s wrist from where she passed out on him, he could feel the realization forming in that brilliant mind of his…

“You didn’t trust me, you though I would try and hurt YOU” Just as Remus’s voice was starting to get angry, he somehow composed himself, glancing ever so slightly at the failing woman in his arms. “I should probably take Lily downstairs. Prongs would need her.”

That was it; Sirius’s life has officially fallen apart. Just as Remus supported a crying Lily out of the door, he started to feel his breath quicken, and a firm arm on his shoulder.

 

Dumbledore had somehow convinced Sirius to not storm into the streets looking for Pettigrew, it did not take much more than reminding him that prongs might probably not want to be alone with a grieving wife, a lost child and… Remus. Fair to say, it was hell. 

After the first night in the Hospital Wing, they group was assigned a suit in the Teacher’s dormitory. So yes, it was hell. Even when he ran out of his house a few lifetimes ago, walking down the streets of London with not much on him but a few coins, he had not felt so lost. Probably because he knew where to go, he had a place to come back to. 

Right now, that place was lying still on the King sized bed, held unconsciousness by a few awful-smelling potions.

Sirius thought he knew what breaking apart is, but this was hell. Every time he laid eyes on any of his suitemates, every time he went to puke in the bathroom, he wished Prongs were there to tell him it would be all right. But Prongs might actually never wake up, and it would never be alright again, would it?

The more he thought about it, the more a strange feeling of envy grew into his chest. Maybe it would be better if he never woke up, never opened his eyes to see the mess he called the love of his life sleeping in the arms of the man he always thought would take her away, never heard Dumbledore’s mumbles about how his son was not yet conformed dead, as if Voldemort had any mercy, as if he could have spared a child that was said to grow and kill him. 

He knew he could not lose his focus, but sometimes Sirius would allow himself to think about Harry. He was his godson and the closest thing to a son Sirius would ever have. That little child that was promised so much and got so little. Sirius had vowed to protect him, to see him grow and turn into the pure flame his parents wore, the kind of people who made life better. In the darkest of times, Sirius had eased himself to sleep with images of Harry after the war. He imagined teaching him how to ride a broomstick. He dreamt about being the victim of the boy’s first Pranks, probably a dung bomb or something equally easy. He imagined how he’d fake anger but later tell him it was an excellent prank, and that he might live up to his godfather’s legacy. He imagined making a good use of his Uncle Alphard’s large back yard, to play race with harry as Padfoot, and making a pinkie promise with Little Prongs to never tell anyone about Pad’s super power. Sometimes those images still swept Sirius unconscious, others, he would remember Voldemort’s pale fingers twisting around his wand, and he would imagine them touching Harry’s Prongs-like mop. Those times would find him bent over the toilet puking food he had not eaten out of his body and wishing with every fibre of his existence for the dark warm fingers of his brother keeping his hair up and patting his back. 

 

Days blurred away and Sirius found another thing that kept him from focusing on his fallen brother. It was like nothing was a safe idea and no matter how much he tried, avoiding Remus while sharing a suite and the mission of helping two helpless adults proved near-impossible. He still could not make up his mind about him. Months of unsaid accusations and paranoia left his brain with a very vague definition of what constitutes as “truth”. Remus was there with them and he had not attempted to kill them yet but maybe he did not want to blow his cover. Pettigrew did turn out to be a traitor but it was never said there was just one and even as the days went by and he was staring to notice small things, like waking up with an extra blanket or a cold plate of food being left on the table, nothing seemed to fit right. 

He could not remember when he started doubting Remus, but he remembered that none of his then-boyfriend’s actions ever indicated his innocence. Even as Sirius started to pick up fights and call him names and strongly implying that he did not feel safe, when Remus would take the couch and Sirius would not hide the fact that he put up wards on the door of the bedroom. All Remus did was leaving without as much as a note. Six moons later and he still had not fought back, the truth was all out now and he still did not yell at Sirius for being wrong, so perhaps he wasn’t. It is known that Remus is well composed, but that is not to say he never screamed and lost control in a fit of anger. The Prank, Rosier trying to cast an unforgivable on Peter in seventh year, the first time he heard about a new law against Goblins, too drunk yet still able to make much more sense than anyone in their circle did. Remus did have a fit when he was wronged or angry, he did not coil and act like Lily’s babysitter.

Suddenly, Sirius wondered if all Prongs’s fear weren’t as misplaced. He was glad he was not here to witness it.

The thing is, Sirius was more controlled by his emotions than what was ever considered safe or healthy. As the full moon edged closer and the circles under Remus’s eyes became darker, Sirius found himself more and more confused. He wanted to be with Remus on the Full, and he was angry with himself for it, yet feeling guilty because he knew that he was not going to leave Prongs unprotected for the night, even if this was Hogwarts, even if he was wrong. He and Remus had known each other since before they knew much at all. Sirius thought that even if he was making a horrible mistake, he and his –best friend, above all- would be able to fix it. Maybe, but definitely not now, right now he had more important things to do, places to be. 

Overall, it was hell.

On the evening of the full, Poppy said she would let Prongs off his coma. He opened his eyes and Sirius broke down, sobbing for the first time since Halloween. Kneeling next to Prongs on the floor while Lily laid next to him with her head on his pillow murmuring “Thanks Merlin” and “Oh lord”. Just before sunset, Remus kissed Lily’s forehead and gave Prongs a sorry smile then left without glancing at Sirius. After he closed the door, Sirius realized he had not heard Remus speak the entire day.

 

A few days later, Remus came back with a big new scar across his throat. The look that Prongs gave Sirius did not help the blossoming of guilt in his chest. Prongs had not risen many questions as to why Sirius did not leave for the shrieking shack a few nights ago. He did however imply that he should have. At the time, Sirius thought it was an excuse of prongs’ to be alone with his wife and he thought he was allowed to be selfish enough not to take the hint.

Now, however, he regretted his choice immensely. He wondered whether Remus would have let him come if he asked, he wondered why he cared, even though that rational and quiet part of his brain knew the answer. As the day went on he found himself avoiding looking at Remus and busying himself with different activities throughout the day. He hoped some would succeed to get his mind off of things, it did not work.

That was, until Dumbledore appeared at their door.

Lily jerked up her seat as she was prone to every time the leader of the Order of the Phoenix was to pay them a visit. She must have still hoped for some news about Harry. However, Dumbledore took Remus aside and went into some sort of private conversation with him. 

“No” Remus all but shouted. Everyone in the room turned their head in shock. It was unheard of for Remus to disagree with the old man, years of gratitude and blind trust was the foundation of the relationship between the two smart men. 

“But dear, it is absolutely necessary that you go, and as fast as possible. I believe you understand how sensitive this situation is and how unique this chance we have is” Dumbledore stated, not a bit taken aback by the werewolves’ aggressive response.

“No, headmaster, I will not leave my friend like this for whatever the hell is happening with the packs for Merlin’s sake.” So Remus was, after all, doing some “werewolf business” for Dumbledore. Sirius only spared half a though to why Remus used the singular form of the word Friend.

“Remus you must understand that this is your duty to help rid of such a monster” Replied Dumbledore who seemed to have regretted what he said the moment he said it. So he was shaken by Remus’s blow, even if for a bit.

“I said NO!! You can go and find another pet monster to help you rid of the Bad Monster. My duty is to stay with my friend while her husband is injured and her son is lost. That is it!” with every word Remus spoke, he gained back a little bit of his self-control. With every word Remus spoke, Sirius’s mind got a batter grip of one unmistakable idea.

Remus was not stuck in a suite in Hogwarts with his three best friends.  
Remus was stuck in a suite in Hogwarts with his sister, her husband, and his…ex?  
Sirius needed to puke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the style I'm using is a bit weird. I am really trying to get into everyone's head. So while I'm using third person pronoun to allow for a critical reading. no one is reliable narrator. Everyone is too stressed or afraid to comprehend his surroundings clearly.  
> Again, any criticism is more than welcomes


	4. Confused: Remus

Remus's heart was not beating rhythmically.

He tried to get a better grip at it, tried to slow down his breathing, tried to lower his voice and arch his back, but he found he could not.

 

He _was_ ashamed for yelling at his caregiver, but something about the large golden room was not prone to know shame. Sirius running to the bathroom and James limping at his feet, Lily's pale face which had turned somehow paler at the sound he made all made him stand straight. As he gained back control over his mind he started wondering what the consequences of upsetting the headmaster would be.

 

"And you are aware of the implications, aren't you?" asked the headmaster. _A broken bond_ thought Remus _probably the need for a job. Oh, and a few young creatures tricked into committing murder._

 

He could fix it all, just a week. He felt Dumbledore's eyes see right through his frail act of control. Just a week.

 

He blinked, took a deep breath.

 

"I'm afraid I have people who need me more, headmaster."

 

The shock that slapped Remus's mind flickered across the elder man's features. Why did he say that? _How_ did he say that.

 

Nevertheless, half a glance later, both men gained back their composure. A faint smile on Dumbledore's face.

 

"Ah well, that will be it. Hope you excuse me, I believe it is around Fawkes's dinner time. Never let the house elves feed him, that one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Fawkes??" Asked Sirius after Dumbledore left, looking a shade of yellow and staring determinedly at something on the wall.

 

"His pet phoenix.. you know, as in Order of the Phoenix???" replied James from behind him "You honestly did not know? Idiot"

 

James rolled his eyes and chuckled somewhat forcefully. But instead of smacking him on the head like he usually does, he ruffled his hair and let his let him rest his head on his shoulder.

 

Remus knew he probably ought to ask Sirius about his health. However he doubted Sirius could or even would answer in such state. Maybe in the morning.

 

He suddenly felt very tired.

 

 

 

______________________________________________

 

 

 

 

“Made you Coffee”

 

“Thanks sweetie”

 

“Won’t you drink it”

 

“I don’t know, I don’t really feel like it”

 

“But it’s **Sunday** ”

 

“I _know_ sweetie, I just feel like something more herbal today”

 

Pause

 

“Maybe you should wait ‘til HE wakes up then”

 

“WHAT THE HELL is that about?”

 

The sudden change in tone forced Remus finally to blink his eyes open, only to see the two figures of his friends sitting across the table opposite to the sofa he was sleeping on, looking as if they are about to either jump each other or claw each other’s eyes out.

 

“Yeah, Prongs, what is this is about??? The owls have barely woken up” Remus yawned, stretching himself out lazily, urging his body to wake up.

 

“Stay out of this, Lupin” Snapped James, not looking away from his wife.

 

Every part of Remus’s body caught up on the alert now, straining defensively.

 

“Since when I’m Lupin???” He regretted his question the moment it left his mouth. He’d been avoiding the topic for weeks, telling himself that it is cruel to question his sick mate. Now that James had almost recovered and seemed eager to pick up a fight, Remus realized he just rather not talk about it at all. _To the surprise of no one, Lupin._ Remus thought to himself.

 

James, for his part, stayed silent, raising a challenging brow and pressing his lips as if to say “You really want me to answer that, Lupin??”

 

Remus knew, logically, that he was the one who ought to be angry, but he had chosen not to be which was somewhat a a final decision. James, on the other hand, _always_ chose to be angry. The werewolve never learnt how to respond to his anger since said anger was never pointed towards him, before.

 

“Can you stop picking up at Remus?? He’d obviously nothing, seeing as he JUST BLOODY WOKE UP” Lily all but shouted.

 

Holy crap.

 

Please no.

 

Not now.

 

“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DEFENDING HIM??”

It’s on.

 

“BECAUSE HE’S DONE NOTHING!! ALSO BECAUSE HE HAPPENED TO BE MY **FRIEND** , IF YOU EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THE WORD MEANS!!!!”

 

Sirius’s sleepy company was probably preferable to wherever this is about to go down.

 

“FRIEND MY ARSE LILY.I’M NOT A FOOL, AND I DEFINETLY AM NOT BLIND”

 

What????  Remus thought he’d dealt with this already, in Third Year…

 

“I bet you wish for Padfoot and I to just leave so you can have this little love nest all to yourselves, lord knows you already do, what with him following you around like a lost pup and all!!”

 

Oh lord,

 

“WELL MAYBE  I DO!! SINCE ALL YOU SEEM TO BE CAPEBLE OF DOING IS BEING A WHINY SPOILED TEENAGER LIKE ALWAYS!!”

 

_Lils, sweetheart, no. You do not mean that, it came out totally wrong, again. So wrong, it cannot be more wrong if it had an egg cracked upon it’s head._

That was the thing about James and lily’s fights. Rare as they were, short-lived as they were, they were chaotic. Never ending before both said something they absolutely did not mean and accidently set something magically on fire or such.

 

Even with that in mind, Remus could tell something was wrong from the silence that followed. Did she just tell him to leave her? Wait, where is he??

 

Oh Lily…

 

She stood alone in the room, light lashes wet and shiny, her thumb trembling the way it always does when she is upset.

 

Remus walked up to her and gathered her in his arms. After a little resistance she buried herself in his pajama top

 

“What the hell is happening?” She whispered.

 

Remus would have set a library on fire in exchange for an answer to give her.  

 

 


End file.
